How to deal with conflict with your child

Dealing with conflict with a child aged 3-5 can be challenging, but there are strategies that can help facilitate and strengthen the relationship between you and your child. Young children are at a stage where they are testing boundaries, developing their independence and learning to manage their emotions. Conflict is a natural part of this development, but by remaining calm and consistent, you can create a safe environment where your child can learn to solve problems in a positive way!

Why do conflicts arise?

Children at this age still have a limited ability to regulate their emotions and understand the consequences of their behavior. Conflicts can arise for various reasons, for example:

• The child wants to test their independence.
• Fatigue or hunger leads to frustration.
• Restrictions or rules feel unfair.
• The child has no words to express their feelings.

As a parent, you cannot completely avoid conflicts, but you can influence how they develop and how they can be resolved in a constructive way.

7 tips for managing conflict with your child

1. Boosting positive attention
   

   Make sure your child receives more positive than negative attention. Praise and encourage your child when they do something good, instead of only paying attention to negative behavior. By building a strong and secure relationship, you can reduce the need for your child to seek attention in negative ways.

2. Acknowledge the child's feelings
   

   When the child gets angry or sad, show that you understand and acknowledge their feelings: "I can see that you are sad because we have to go home from the park and I understand that it is sad." Acknowledging feelings helps the child to feel seen and understood.

3. Be clear about boundaries and expectations
   

   Young children need clear boundaries and consistent rules. If the child knows what the rules are, it will be easier to understand why certain things are not allowed. Keep instructions simple and reinforce with consistency: "We don't hit. If you get angry, you can say that instead."

4. Give the child choices
   

   Instead of giving orders, you can offer the child a choice between two options: "Do you want to brush your teeth now or in five minutes?" or "Do you want the green or yellow shirt today?" This gives the child a sense of control and reduces the risk of conflict.

5. Use diversion and humor
   

   Sometimes diverting the child's attention or using humor can help break a conflict spiral. If the child refuses to put on the shoes, you can say: "Oh, I wonder if we can put the shoes on today!" or "Should the shoes be on the feet or on the head?" Making it a game can de-dramatize the situation.

6. Take a break if the conflict escalates
   

   If both you and the child get upset, take a short break to calm the situation down. For example, say: "Let's take a break and talk about this again soon." Sometimes children just need a little time to collect themselves.

7. Teach your child to resolve conflicts
   

   Explain calmly and pedagogically how the child can express his/her feelings and deal with conflicts in a positive way. Practice together by pretending to act out situations and showing how to use words instead of shouting or hitting.

Conflict as part of learning

It is important to remember that conflicts between parents and children are a natural part of child development. By dealing with them in a calm and respectful way, you will help your child learn self-regulation and problem-solving skills. Taking a long-term perspective and seeing conflicts as opportunities to teach your child important life skills can make everyday life a little easier and more harmonious for both you and your child.

By being present, clear and responsive, you can reduce conflict while strengthening your relationship with your child!